Archive for October, 2009

Wordless, self-gagged

When I do not have the words, I look for those of someone else to assist me.

Below is a song by a group I’ve never heard of. I don’t even know the melody. On a freebasing search across the internet, I stumbled across it somehow, and it resonated with me, very deeply.

In a way, it seemed to explain how you ease my soul. How you hear me, and enfold me in your warm embrace and hold me close, soothing the tears, calming the shudders, reassuring me, and taking care of me better than I can myself — at the moment.

I am blocked, I cannot write. Everything I put down seems trite and unworthy, and I hate it and immediately delete it. Is it likely that this is the reason for my current stormy frame of mind? Highly likely.

From within my head, the outlook is horribly fogged and viscous. Mentally, i wipe the windscreen from the inside, leaving smeared imprints of my hand — only for the glass to cloud over almost instantaneously.

When I hurt, you help me heal. You catch my tears. You gently absorb the sadness that overwhelms me.

And each time I catch my breath anew at how generous and loving you are. How much you care. How you cushion me in warmth and kindness.

You wrap me in your soul, and I nestle there, hiding from the universe until I can gather myself and face them again.

I love you. Do you know how much?

long day fall
long day beneath an angry sky;
we talk about the life we share.
I pour myself into you,
you drain the day’s wild energy.

falling, falling, falling into you.
falling, falling, falling into you.
falling, falling, falling into you.
I fall…

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